Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/bakery-math-2025

One ugly 8-inch round flower cake:

$6.00

Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes:

$30.00

 

Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes plopped on

styrofoam and cardboard stands:

$235.00

The look on the bride's face?

Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy...

but a decent wedding cake isn't one of them.

Thanks to Melinda W., Holley W., Kae B., Liz Q., Meghan F., Nikki G., and Lainey M. who thinks we should start investing in styrofoam and cardboard.

*****

P.S. I found something for the bride who wants to wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something poo:

Unicorn Poop Earrings

Don't stop believing, y'all. Dreams do come true.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/bakery-math-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wreck-a-bye-baby-2025

Sometimes I like to think this blog might have a positive influence on current baking trends. (Oh, stop laughing. A girl can dream.) So, what do you say we mosey on over to a few of our nation's baby showers and see how things are going?

Wonderful!

I mean, sure, "beby" is misspelled, and there's a giant funky headboard thing happening, and the doll is staring at me all creepy-like, but the baby itself is not edible. That's progress, people!

Hey, a lot of those letters are right.

 

In fact - and feel free to correct me here if I'm wrong - I think "cohgrautions" may be the Canadian spelling.

You might be wondering how many tracts of land they had to search to find these two peas in a pod, or why the baker didn't make the "peas" green. That said, it's not a pregnant torso cake.

 

Plus it makes me want to start singing "Keep Walking" by the French Peas, so that's a "win" all 'round.

This next one may cause a bit of a flap, but I'll have no truck with such negativity:

After all, nothing drives home the beauty of motherhood quite like a pregnant mudflap girl. Eh? Eh? Am I right?

 

Well, my friends, I think I've made my point: baby shower cakes are getting better! And all because of me! ME, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!

AHAHAHAAAHAA!! 

BAHAHAHAA...

...huh?

AAAAAUUUGGHH!!

[blink blink]
 
Well.

Back to business as usual, then? 

Thanks to Sose K., Krista M., Susan M., Bob S., & Carly A. for dashing my dreams. You cruel, cruel wreckporters, you.

******

P.S. Watch me un-creepify this post by going from creepy baby cakes to baby beef cakes:

The Buff Baby Rattle

This is hilarious. And a real thing! Amazon helpfully suggested I pair it with the "Do You Even Lift?" baby onesie and now I wish I had a weightlifting friend with a baby to give this to.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wreck-a-bye-baby-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-2-2025

"Deb, everyone keeps laughing at our new spiral donuts. Any idea why?"

"Really? Still? Drat. I even added a sign - I thought that would help."

"Yeah, about that....I'm not sure we should be telling customers to not get their "panties" in a twist. Could you change that?"

"Oh, sure."

"And make sure the new sign mentions we can heat the donuts up, too."

"You got it!"

 _____________________________________________________

Attention, customers: THEY'RE JUST DONUTS. 

Don't get your p***s in a twist. 

 P.S. Available Hot...

or Cold!

 

 Thanks for the dough nuts, Sophie F.!

*****

Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop telling these terrible, TERRIBLE jokes.

*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-2-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-futures-so-brite-2025

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.

Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

Eventually they'll get promoted to management.

Thanks to Becky A., Jane R., Stacey S., Jennifer V., & Alissa P., who want to ask that employee in the background, "Hey, why the long face?"

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-futures-so-brite-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-1-2025

"Deb, you've outdone yourself!"

"Aww, thanks, Pat!"

"So, what do you call it?"

"Well, with all the candied cherries on there, I'm thinking...'THE CHERRY POPPIN' CANDY CASTLE!' What do you think?"

"I like it."

"AND, we can throw in a half dozen 'Tunnel of Love' cookies with each order!"

"Oooh, good idea! Especially since no one but those college guys will buy any."

"Yeah...I guess the extra icing must be turning people off - too many calories. Remember how that lady said they weren't family-friendly?"

"That was kind of weird. Must be one of those health nuts."

"Aw, you know how it is. People are so paranoid about what they put in their mouths these days."

 

Thanks to Anony M. & Christina P. for the great spread.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-1-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-goes-to-the-beach-2025

There's 104 days of summer vacation
And school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spennnnd it...

By The Uncommon Cakery

And what better place to spend your summer vacation than at the beach? Phineas and Ferb obviously agree, and who can argue with those guys?

 

So snap open your lounge chairs and get ready to enjoy today's beachy-keen sweets. Starting with this lovely:

By The Cake Zone

Ahhh. I actually feel more relaxed just looking at this. How people can bring themselves to eat these exquisite creations, I'll never undersand.

 

And you're going to love this collection of underwater friends...

By amateur baker Kristina H.

and anemones.

 

Let's all wave hello to this next one...

Submitted by Pearl H.and made by *JNFerrigno

'cuz I hear it brings good tidings!

(Ok, ok, I'm sorry about all the beach puns. No matter what I do they just keep rolling in. But seriously, isn't this cake swell?)

 

Now here's a tasteful take on a beach-themed wedding cake:

By Sheryl Brou

I love that they didn't go overboard.
(Sea what I did there?)

(Ugh, I'm sorry! I'm even annoying myself now. I'll try to reel it in.)

 

Here's a sweet little seahorse. I think it's totally cute:

By Courtney's Cakes

Water you thinking a boat it?

 

Sorry! I can't help it. I'll just go with the flow.

By Cakery Creation

Like the tiny pearl bubbles floating along the gentle waves of this cake. Simply buoy-tiful.

 

And I love the graduating colors of fondant here, and the dusting of "sand:"

By Diane's Sweet Treats

Tangent time: I once had a good friend who enjoyed eating actual sand. Turns out she was deficient in some essential mineral. Which was a relief, since we were about to take her to the lagoony bin.

 

It's a shore bet she would have loved this sand castle cake though:

By Creative Mom-2-Five

The "sand" is crushed Nilla wafers, should you care to recreate this look for yourself or a loved one who does not enjoy eating actual sand.

 

There's so much goodness in this next sandy scene, how shell I ever pick a favorite?

I love the pinwheels and the tiny picnic in the corner.

By Cakes by Samantha

Oh, and the embossed pattern on the mini tablecloth! Great little detail.

 

This final cake is so incredible and realistic you'll swear it's alive. I squid you not.

By Avalon Cakes

Wow, that sucker is beautiful!
(Specifically, the third one from the bottom.)

Whale, I hope you got your fill of beach-themed sweets (and puns) today. I'm sure you're clamoring for more, but that should tide you over for a while!

 

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. If you actually go to the beach, then clearly you need a mesh tote bag that's in such high demand they couldn't even get one for the photoshoot, and had to photoshop it in (badly) later:

Oversized Mesh Beach Bag

Oh yeah, bad Photoshop is how you know it's good. Well, that, and the 2,000+ 5-star ratings. Turns out this thing is actually pretty awesome, and also comes in blue, gray, or white. Grab yours before the manufacturer tries to snatch it up for another photoshoot.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-goes-to-the-beach-2025